Its an hour after college, the rain outside just subsides, forming a somewhat eerie but calm weather, like a scene from a movie of the aftermath of an apocalyptic battle when the dark, scary, loud clouds is no more but gives out a shimmering, hopeful, tiring sky....
So am sitting in Starbucks wanting to be one with my thoughts, but found it difficult as people rather talk it out with other hearts about their day at work. Businessmen having business talks, moms taking their children here for chilling but really is only for themselves cause the kids can't seem to be in one place. So whatever right.
My day today was.... discipline. I know, never heard of someone describe their day as strict & straight.. except the Chinese & Japanese. But nway, my emotions & actions are totally in control, was giving 120% concentration to the lecturers, not wanting to be silly around friends but react only necessary, punctual, did my work & did everything accordingly.
And though it sounds so robotic, but somehow it works really well as you don't tend to go overboard easily and get so frustrated in the end cause of what you did or did not do. Fuck that right?!
The reason of this being in the works is cause I'm so tired of people's expectations & mostly because of me disappointing of myself, time after time again. It was me, One Day deciding to grip firmly to the steering wheel of my car & drive towards wherever I wanted to go, instead of someone else's shit. Cause shit ain't straight in my life, & the frustration kept building up when I always put others before me. So no more that, but more on focusing on the things that matters most in my life.
Haha, I know you guys don't care about shit, but it feels good just letting all that Shit in me, & out from my anus towards you. I am transferring my energy towards you guys.
Just today I came across a good saying, which announce " Don't tell people your problems, cause 80% don't give a damn, & the other 20% are glad you have them." True words I needed to be reminded of. (Heard that Facebookers?)
So anyway, people are just tools to get what you want in this world. We are put onto this earth to use & abuse each other. Don't be bother about all that shit about emotional connection cause in the end, we are here for ourselves. You came into this world on your own, & so you die the same way bitch. We were Born To Die, like what Lana Del Bitch is singing about now.
Haha, I sounds so depressing & grey, maybe cause I'm so worked up by the events that I came to realize today in college, that Love is but nothing more than a strong impulse needed to be fucked cause it makes you so fucking high you only think of its great rewards that it can do to your body.
But also, we can't blame people for the bad things that happened to us. We can only put the fault onto ourselves for being in the wrong place at the wrong time....... So yeah, Fuck That.
*Book suggestion, 'The Art of Racing in the Rain' by Garth Stein. Great reading, free lecturing lessons on life. NY best seller, 5 stars. :)
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